Writing by Jane Garfinkel

Below are links to almost every piece of my writing that is somewhere out on the internet.

Seven Days, Vermont’s independent newspaper

T-Shirt Boutique Solid Threads Finds a Home in Vermont


How Can They Sleep at Night? Vignettes From the Trump Era

List: Seven Bathrooms Near His Apartment to Poop In

List: The Perks of Working From Home

List: 7 Questions for the Man on the Metro Who Wants to See Me Smile

Why I Wait Until the Third Date to Have Sex and Also Take This Paper Bag Off My Head

My Husband Died and Now His Ghost Wants Anal


In Defense of the Movie Date

Signs Your Low Expectations Left You Dating Someone Terrible

I Followed a Stranger on Twitter, 3 Years Later We Are in Love

The Only Sex Advice Men Need About Women


I Started A Gratitude Journal But It Became A Food Tracker

Awkward Girl Most Comfortable Talking About How Awkward She Is

How To Lie On Your Bed In A Sexy Way And Not Because You’re Paralyzed With Anxiety

Five Scents That Still Won’t Cover Up Your BO, Sorry

Group Halloween Costumes You Don’t Have Enough Friends For

Woman Worried Relationship Not Hayride Ready

5 Up-and-Coming Cities to Move to After You Sleep With Your Roommate

6 Morning Workout Classes Your Roommate Would Never Sleep Through

5 Paneras That Will Calm Your Mom’s Fears About Your Neighborhood

6 Nail Polished to Complement Your Bleeding Cuticles

6 Masters Degrees to Get While You Wait For Him To Text Back

7 Trends Men Hate, So Why The Fuck Are You Still Wearing Them?

Eyebrow Products to Draw On Emotion, You Sociopath

How To Feel Full On Just Your Birth Control

5 Kissing Techniques To Show Him You’ve Totally Moved On

How To Hide Vegetables In Your Meal And That Meal From Yourself

Sexy Foreplay You Can’t Try Because You Live With Your Parents

Pie Crusts Flakier Than Your Terrible Friend Susan

How To Hide Your Pregnancy Even Though The Fact That You Aren’t Drinking Is A Dead Giveaway

5 Salads You Can Eat Just The Cheese Out Of

How To Pet His Dog And His Penis

I‘m Reading In The Break Room, Someone Come Look At Me

The Rumpus

Fall Activities Adjusted For Global Warming

The Belladonna Comedy

9 Types of People You Will See This Winter

4 Freshwater Lakes to Drink Before Determining You’re Actually Hungry

Other He-Trends Inspired By Man Rompers

The Cooper Review

Business Jargon to Mumble When Your Boss Makes a Sexist Comment

Runt of the Web

How to Take Constructive Criticism So Well People Start Giving It Constantly

Work Stress Starting to Get In The Way of Personal Stress

I Couldn’t Fix My Boyfriend So I Fixed My Bike and Rode That Instead

When I See a Baby I Well Up With Happiness Because It’s Not Mine

Woman Has Never Felt Love Like This For The Third Time

I Paid For Experiences Not Things And Now I’ve Seen A Lot Of Sunsets But Don’t Own Forks

How I Stopped Eating Sugar Except At Restaurants and Work And Friends’ Houses

Wow! This Woman Loves Her Body Even Though It’s Every Man’s Dream

Man Has Gross Fetish For Very Available Women

Why Nothing Can Define Me Except This Very Obvious Tattoo That Says “Bad Bitch”

But Have You Seen My Collection of Plastic Bags?

Fun Blue Cocktail Ends With Less-Fun Blue Vomit

Woman Begins 12th Year of Watching The Bachelorette Ironically

6 Tips For Growing Your Hair So Long People Will Think You Were Homeschooled

Donald Trump Celebrates Pride Month By Pardoning One Queer Kid From His Administration’s Homopohobia

Anonymous Bathroom Sex Not As Good As Recently Divorced Mom Remembered

Mom Finds Oatmeal Too Spicy

Why I’m Okay With My Dull, Domestic Life and Billionaire Husband

Skinny Friend Thinks You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are

Culturally Aware Man Harasses Women of All Races

Woman Scared By Shadow Of Her Former Self Meaning Six More Weeks Of Winter

The Stacker

100 Best Western films of all time, according to critics

Types of cancer on the rise

All Oscar-nominated films from worst to first

Critics’ Choice award nominees by the numbers

Dog breeds with the most timeless popularity