Onion Dip

When I think of America, I think of scooping up one food with another food. I don’t need a fork or a spoon, all I need is the hand I was born with. Pull your dip up by your bootchips! Beer from Walmart! A third thing! The only real plans I had for this July 4th weekend was to make onion dip and then find some party where I could eat it. This plan was successful, and afterwards I watched¬†fireworks through my bedroom window and then listened to them until 4 AM.

Apparently the simplest onion dip is made with soup mix. Even at my laziest I’m not about appropriating powdered soup into other dishes. This recipe requires caramelizing onions, which takes awhile but holy cow is it worth it. They come out sweet and soft and still make your breath smell but whatever. Also I told two people in my Uber Pool that I caramelized onions and they were super impressed! If your Pool cohort doesn’t think you’re cool, does anything really matter? This dip does not qualify as “light” or “healthy” but it tastes good and provides some variety from the typical salsa or hummus.

  • 2 large onions
  • 16 ounces room temperature cream cheese
  • 1 cup sour cream
  • 1/2 cup mayonnaise
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Black pepper
  • Garlic powder

onion dip recipe

I went shopping at Shaw Giant but the situation was not much better than Columbia Heights Giant. These were the only onions they had left. I used one white and one yellow, because I believe in the Great American Melting Pot.

onion dip recipe
How many cutting boards are in my house? Take a guess in the comments!!!!

If you’re going to be chopping a lot of onions you should be as efficient as possible. Here is the Steve Garfinkel patented method. Cut the onion in half through the root so that both sides remain connected.

onion dip recipe

Cut one end off and then make horizontal slices into the onion, being careful not to cut the entire way across.

onion dip recipe

Now you can slice the onion vertically and nice little chunks will fall off. This should save you some tears. If you do start to cry, wash your hands and take a tour of your living room.

onion dip recipe

Heat up a healthy amount of oil and then add in the chopped onions, black pepper, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper. I cooked the onions for about an hour, until they were completely soft. No crunch is allowed across this border.

onion dip recipe

As the onions cook, mix up the remaining ingredients. The cream cheese was difficult to stir and I was tempted to jujj it up a bit with my Nutri Ninja. This isn’t necessary as you will see in the next step.

onion dip recipe

After letting the onions cool for a few minutes, add them to the dairy mixture. Their warmth will perfectly melt the cream cheese and make the dip much easier to stir.

onion dip recipe
*not baby vomit

At this point the onion dip will be on the thin side. It’s tasty, but let it sit in the fridge overnight and it will just get better.

onion dip recipe
This is all that was left post-party. I’ve been to a party, have you?

Serve the onion with potato chips, DEFINITELY NOT TORTILLA CHIPS.

onion dip recipe



In case you thought I was a mature young lady, this was the state of my white board while I was cooking.


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